I want to write about this new online teaching job I am beginning. Mainly, I think I was going to complain that I have to dress professionally. I actually got rid of all of my professional clothes a while ago because I had decided to never work in a setting again where they were required. That doesn't matter much. I just need to be disciplined in my study of online advertising, and this job will mean more disposable income to put into advertising.
It's funny, I looked for a photo representation of the single life, and this photo of a slipper floating on the waves came up. The picture looks like it's of a pristine beach. And, after some thought, I can see some correlations. We perceive ourselves as single or not single. It is more a state of the heart and mind; are we separate from others, or are we all a part of the ocean of humanity?
When we think of ourselves as solid and separate, we are. When we think of ourselves as a part of everyone's lives, we are. Of course, I'm going beyond just talking about being hitched. I'm talking about that feeling of separation that gives place to loneliness and self pity. "Am I not good enough for someone to love and cherish for life?" These things are illusory, yet they create sadness in the heart of the single person because they do not understand.
One can be lonely in a marriage. One can be lonely in a crowd of friends. And, one can be full and connected like Mother Teresa, believing that all of humanity was her family. Changing our perceptions about who we are is the only way to change our lives.
So, I'm starting this online teaching job with this company based in Asia. And, they require good lighting and professional attire, and at first I was sorely offended. I actually threw a fit (privately) the first day I heard about it. Then, I got over it after I estimated the time it would take me to pay of my debts with this additional income. I have been lagging on my training because I am not altogether enthused about the position, but I feel it is a blessing.
Was it Infatuation, a Crush, a Spell?
Another reason I felt compelled to write this morning was because I woke up, and I felt clarity and release from this person I had been waiting on to contact me. I should not say person. I should say guy that I thought to be everything I was looking for in a companion, minus work ethic. He is admittingly lazy.
I did not care he was an artist, a sensitive musician, with childlike honesty. For weeks, he was all I could think about. He had indirectly asked for my number. I saw him just after his birthday in August, and then...he disappeared. Nothing! I hear absolutely no word from him or his family friends. I am around his family friends fairly often, and no one is speaking of him, and it is bothering me.
Up until this morning, it seemed like I was under some sort of spell that had me pining away all day, or even better 'trying not to think of him.' But, today, I woke up and it was all gone. I was clearly my old self again. I can't really explain it, but I'm thankful because I can focus on other things again like writing, marketing, editing, exercising, planning implausible publicity feats.
You have no idea how good this is! I can't remember the last time I completed some work in the morning that was for me:)
