I was just talking with my mother about this; it might just be the same state of millions if not billions of other people. We have gone through a school system in which other people decide if we are good enough. They grade us. And then after we graduate and we pursue our dreams we no longer have that system to help us stay on course.
Besides that, I realized that I have a unhealthy, perhaps crazy attraction to things that I'm afraid of. The last few years I have designed my life around doing things that I'm terrified of doing. For example, cliff diving/jumping, rock climbing. And because I have become somewhat addicted to that rush of being in danger--rising to a challenge, etc.
So it is simply exhilarating for me to wait until I have precisely enough time left to do something and then to rise to the challenge of completing it before the deadline. This is why there is a market for life coaching; they keep you accountable, give you deadlines for things that you want to do and that you would never give yourself a deadline for.
For many years I have been trying to fabricate these circumstances. Little challenges for myself, but the problem has consistently been that my "accountability partners" have little interest in themselves or much less my dreams and so with that lack of commitment the relationship falls apart.
If only I had a big exam coming up on PPC. If only I had a teacher hanging over me while I struggle to finish another book. I have been waiting a long time to be able to do this. I started a spoof channel on Youtube about this, and now I know it is essential to do again. I need to get another coach because I'm terrified of not keeping my word.
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